Useless
by pseudonym1235
Summary: post-8x23, Castiel finds his way back to the MoL bunker and back to Dean.


A few days after the angels had fallen and the Winchesters had made their way back to their bunker, there was a knock, well, more like a single loud bang, on the door. Since Sam was still sick, Dean made his way towards the door with his gun, not getting his hopes up that it was Castiel outside the door.

Dean silently unlatched the door and swung it open, with his gun already cocked and aimed. None other than Castiel, ex-angel of the Lord, was standing outside looking worse for wear. Dean dropped the gun and pulled Castiel inside, shutting the door and locking it behind him. Dean gave him a once-over, checking for any injuries. Castiel's face was red and puffy, it looked as if he had been crying.

"Cas, are you o-" Dean started, but he did not get to finish as Castiel collasped onto him, unable to hold back tears.

"D-Dean, it's... it's all my fault!" Castiel screamed, "I'm so sorry, Dean. I'm u-useless to you now. I-" Cas tore himself out of Dean's arms and looked at him in horror. He proceeded to turn around and march out the door with his head bowed in shame.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Cas, where do you think you're going?" Dean called after him. Castiel opened the Impala's trunk and began rummaging around, looking for something. Dean ran out to him.

Finding what he had been searching for, Castiel pulled a pistol out of the Impala's trunk. It was the same one that Dean had taught him how to shoot back when Cas had been human during the Apocalypse. He held it exactly as Dean had taught him, only he had it aimed towards his head.

Dean stopped where he was. He became overcome by emotions of fear, panic, and sadness. "Cas, what do you think you're doing?" he tried to keep his voice calm, but his whole body was wracked with tremors.

"Dean, there is no point. I failed. My family, my brothers and sisters, would want me dead anyway. After all I have done to Heaven, I don't disagree with them." Tears continued streaming down his face as he spoke, "I am useless to you and Sam now. I am of no importance. So why should I not end everything now?" he asked Dean in a wavering voice.

"What are you talking about? You are not useless. How many times have I told you that I needed you? Fuck, don't do this, Cas. You can't do this. I can't lose another person I care about. I'm already losing Sammy, I've lost the rest of my family. I can't lose you too. Cas... I really do need you." Dean took a step closer, but he saw Castiel's hand tighten around the gun. He put his hands up and stepped back again.

Dean felt a sudden wetness on his face and realized he was crying. He couldn't lose Cas, he was his best friend. His family. Dean cared for him, maybe more than he wanted to admit.

"You only call for me when you need me, Dean. You have been pushing me away in recent times. How could you possibly need me now, when I am just a fragile human? I have failed everyone I have ever cared about. I am in love with a human who will never reciprocate those feelings. I am in love with you, Dean. I cannot live with the knowledge that you would never love me in return. I cannot continue to live a life full of misery." Cas concluded his speech, more tears running down his face.

"Fuck, Cas, I..." Dean was about to tell Cas that he wasn't gay, but he had never really thought much about it. Castiel, who had pulled him out of hell, in love with him? Maybe Dean did harbor more deep feelings for Cas that he had been hiding from himself

Apparently, Dean had been lost in thought for too long before he could tell Castiel how he truly felt about him. "That's what I thought," said Castiel. He closed his eyes, and pulled the trigger before Dean could even think.

Time collapsed around Dean. Castiel's lifeless body fell to the ground as Dean ran over to him.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god Cas," Dean chanted to himself as his tears began falling in earnest. He held Castiel's dead body in his arms and the rest of the world faded away as he hugged Cas close to him.

"Oh god, Cas," he whispered, pressing a kiss into Castiel's hair, "I do love you, I love you so much."


End file.
